UN-necessary Stress

Unnecessary Stress…eeew…who needs that?(4 part Series)

 

Stress…..  when I think of all the addictions in the world, stress has got to be the most subtle killer.   Seriously! We are all so quick to point our finger at those with addictions so much more obvious, like smoking or drinking or Brownies, yum,  while the addict to stress can often be viewed as the unsung hero, high achiever, or person of great success.  While our achievements may be noticed by everyone, it’s the internal side effects of the stress is what one needs to pay attention to.  Just as a smoker may end up with lung disease, the drinker may end up liver disease, and the brownie lover may end up with chocolate disease…lol, the stress addict has their internal side effects as well.  And I am not just talking physical!  Yes there is PLENTY of research out there telling us the physical implications of stress.  However, I am talking emotional!  Some of us are missing out on the very essence of the experience of life because we are always stressed.

I can say this because I get it….Hi my name is Jamie and I am a stress-aholic.  (I actually belong to a few different anonymous groups…this is just one. 😉

Yes I get it, life can be stressful, but what I want to challenge you to eliminate is “unnecessary” stress.  So often we don’t realize how much unnecessary stress we allow ourselves to carry.

 

Unnecessary Stresses lures… Don’t take the BAIT!

  • Unnecessary Stress disguised as DILIGENCE
  • Over committing because we FEEL NEEDED
  • Martyr syndrome, (feel valued from people’s sympathy)
  • Over committing to OVER ACHIEVING (we feel value from our achievements)

 

How to spit out the hook….

  • LET GO of unnecessary stress: Stop stressing about something over which you have NO CONTROL
  • Get Value Internally: Let go of the need to be valued, liked, or admired by others.

Obviously these are easier said than done.  But I assure you it is quite possible!  The 4 Steps to Confidence Series helps you let go of unnecessary stress and helps you to truly let go of the opinions of others.   For more info Contact me.

517-242-0224

jamielightner@yahoo.com

 

Coming up in this series on Unnecessary Stress, more details on the “bait” I have named above.

Unnecessary stress Disguised as…

  • Diligence
  • Feel Needed
  • Climbing the Corporate ladder

 

All 3 of these can be pretty sneaky in seeming Necessary, look for the blogs to come to explain why.

Check out the series on sale- Eye of the Storm, helps you to cope with the stress in your life.

http://misguidedsisters.com/jamie-life-coach/

 

 

This months Topic…Go to Jamaica…?

Oh My Gosh!   My LIFE!!!!!  Has been insane!!!!  Anybody else with me.  Laundry, work, kids sports, finances, a kid needs braces, another has a sports injury, oh, and then another does too, and then there is TAXES.  And for those of you who know me and numbers, yeah, I should probably have Timmy do them. Lol

I do think it is a bit ironic that the stresses in my life have kept me from keeping up with the blog and posting this month’s theme being, STRESS!!!

This month I will be posting some insight on how to cope with stress.  And really, what I have found the Key to Freedom from Stress is escape!  Take a trip to Jamaica where it’s all “No Problem Man”, in that fun Jamaican accent, and NEVER come back.  Just stay on vacation FOREVER!!!!    But if you can’t get that much time off work, then stay tuned to this month’s blog post, or check out the “Eye of the Storm” Series that continuing on sale this month!!!

There are ways to manage and cope with stress.  Let me help you turn this…

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Into this…

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To Register or for more info click here.

 

Jamie Lightner

517-242-0224

jamielightner@yahoo.com

Hug them, tell them…TODAY.

I recently lost a colleague of mine. Only he was more than a colleague. In this line of work I am in with TurningLeaf Wellness Center, we actually become more like family as we work alongside each other. And I have now lost one of my TurningLeaf family members. I am struggling today with the idea he is gone. We were are divided by many states, but that didn’t stop our friendship in the least. And here I am wishing I could just send him a text or give him a call. As this week has gone by surrounded by so many emotions, I now find myself wondering. Did he know how much he meant to me? Did he know how grateful I was for his support and insight? Did he know how much I appreciated his humor, and how he made me laugh even if I was upset or nervous. Did I ever tell him, I am not sure I did? I can only hope he felt my heart and knew I loved him like a brother and will miss him greatly.
Soon my mind wondered to my other close relatives and friends. Do they know? Do they know how much I love them, and appreciate them. You always think you will have another day to say it, until you don’t. I know a year ago, when I was texting Greg, and his responses were making me laugh as they always did, I never thought for a second I wouldn’t have that so soon.
So today I encourage you to tell those you love, that you love them. Tell those you care about, what they mean to you. Whether it be over the phone, in a letter or in person. Tell them!
I realize this is a bit somber. It is where my heart is today.
Tomorrow I will announce the month’s theme, and the new promotional series package! Until then, hug your family, and tell them you love them.

Cue the music please…

In looking for a flashback Friday, I came across this post that I thought would be good in closing out this months theme of adversity.  I liked reading it and looking back on much I have accomplished since I wrote it.  It reminds me to appreciate what I have learned through my adversities and to keep climbing.

 

For about month I have found my self, to be quite frank, down in the dumps. I have been allowing my thoughts to tear me down. I have been allowing unrealistic expectations to discourage me, and allowing my fear to immobilize me. After some thinking I realized that at this point in my life it was all about a choice. It was about choosing what I wanted to feel and choosing to believe in me, and my dreams, even if I didn’t feel the “magic.”

I realized I was looking for the enchanted door that said, “This way is the RIGHT way.” I was waiting for the music that played as Rockey ran up the stairs, or that played when Rudy ran out on to that football field. I was waiting for that magical, Hollywood, “feel good” moment, that moment in the movies when the actor is being courageous and taking a risk that ultimately pays off. The actors are usually defying odds or choosing to believe in themselves when no body else does. But as I face my own challenges I realized there is no music. In real life we must make our choice without the reassuring cue of the inspirational orchestra in the background. We must make our choice without the moving trumpet that seems to say now is your moment when you will defy all odds and achieve your goals. We must simply choose to believe in ourselves over and over again no matter the outcome, believing in each step as progression.
In the moments that are scary or out of our comfort zone, there are usually a million voices telling us why we can’t. Without the playing of that inspirational music, we are left with our thoughts, and that is where we make a choice of what we are going to allow our thoughts to believe. Are we going to choose to believe in ourselves?

The choice can be during the simplest of moments, like when you realize you forgot to send your kid with his lunch. Or you locked your keys in your car, messed up a presentation, or made the biggest fool of yourself at work. In those moment rather than think about all the places you seem to come up short, or think about what everyone else must be thinking of you, in that moment you accept yourself, mistakes and all. Don’t let your mind wander to what everyone else might be thinking, ‘cause the truth of the matter is, the only thing they are thinking about you, is wondering what you are thinking about them.

And when we choose to believe in ourselves in these little everyday moments, then we will start believing in ourselves when the moments seem more challenging. We may go for a new job interview, take on a project at the school, or even chase down a dream. As we make the choices to believe in ourselves, even though there is no climatic them song, then comes the feeling of empowerment, and that my friend “feels” like music.
We can feel the music of freedom and empowerment. Free to believe in ourselves despite the outward opinion of others or circumstances. Free to take a risk and believe we can do whatever we dream.

And when all else fails… Make a playlist on your phone and rock it out in the kitchen or on your drive!!!  It’s amazing.   Here are 2 of my faves.

 

Loose a kid, Forget a kid…Ice Cream for Dinner

Loose a Kid, Forget a Kid, Ice Cream for dinner…and Repeat.

 

Well, Jess is moving and it has been CRAZY around here!!!!

“When will you be done working today Jame.” Jess said, which I of course interpreted as, Oh my gosh when will you get her to help me make sense of this unpacking moving mess.
“I can leave my office by 1pm.” I responded
“Ugh, can’t you reschedule your clients. What if I get lost in all these boxes.” She said, her voice sounding completely overwhelmed. It had been a long week of packing, yesterday was chemo day at Devos and she was having to say goodbye to a house she just wasn’t emotionally ready to let go of.
“It’ll be ok Jess, a couple days and we will have you all settled in. I will be there at 1:15.”
At 1:30, after stuffing our faces with a subway sandwich, we started moving furniture up stairs. Yup, UP stairs. And considering the fiasco it was just 3 days earlier getting a desk, DOWN stairs, I really wasn’t sure how successful we would be, but an hour later we were quite proud of ourselves for moving a queen size bed, a hope chest and a TV!!!! YES UPSTAIRS!! Granted our hubbys coulda done it in 15 min, still, we were proud.
Here is a video of bringing the “desk down”, after watching, I am sure you can imagine the “taking bed up” process.

And that is just the last half, there was more!!!
“Oh my gosh, It’s 2:40!” Jess exclaimed “We gotta get the kids.”
I jumped in my car and headed for the school.
“OK, 1, 2, 3, 4…..um where is kid number 5? I am supposed to come home with 5 of them today.”
A quick call to his teacher by Jackie, our amazing secretary,

“Uh huh, ok, thanks Mrs. Gonzolaz.” Jackie said

As she hung up the phone she looked at me with a bit of amusement. “So…Bo went to baseball practice.”
Me with a sheepish grin, “Oh yeah, I knew that.”
After sharing a laugh with Jackie and the others in the office who had witnessed my, what seemed monthly occurrence, I jetted back to help Jess.
When I returned to the school 2 hours later to pick up Bo, I noticed Timmy’s team piling into the gym.
AHHHHHHH. the OTHER kid had practice too!!! Did I bring him up with me, nope. Running to the car I went!
Now the rest of the night was supposed to go like this.

Cook dinner…
Pick up Timmy from Baseball…
Eat dinner…
Pile everyone in the car…pick up Kate from Softball…
and go to the dairy Kreme for ice cream!(because I promised the first WARM AND SUNNY day we would go. Well, that day was TODAY.

This is what the rest of the night, ACTUALLY looked like…

Unpack…
Unpack…
Move more boxes and unpack,
Run out the door 5 minutes late…
Pick up Timmy….Pick Up Kate…
Swing by Dairy Kreme on the way home and have ice cream for dinner.

ON TO TODAY…
This morning, I stopped by Jess’ “house of boxes” and the conversation went like this…
Jake: “Babe where is my tootbrush.”
Jess: In my car
Jake: Where are my jeans
Jess: I don’t know
Jake: Ok how about deodorant.
Jess: In a box…somewhere.

 

Also, Today Kate has a Dr. Appointment. Josh, Timmy and Bo have a dentist appointment. All of which are at 2:45. Yeah, OOPS. I called on Jess to help me out. It seemed things were all orchestrated perfectly. I would go to Meijer and get food to feed the kids. They keep insisting this is one of my parental roles. I’m not totally convinced. Then I would pick Kate and Jess would grab the other 3 and run them to the dentist.

Right on time I pushed 2 carts out of Meijer, by myself. One loaded with groceries that looked as though it should last 3 months, but probably only 2 weeks. And the other full of storage bins for Jess. Then I locked my keys in my car! And I also locked my phone in the car. Keep in mind, not only did this really limit my ability to make a call, my phone also had the code to my keyless entry on it. YUP! Only I could pull it off so well. Fortunately, by best friends Dad was walking out as I was walking in, and he let me use his phone so I could get access to the keyless entry.
So, ultimately hoping to NOT misplace any kids today…but I can’t say for sure that it won’t be ice cream for dinner again. lol

 

 

Super Z update- MRI Results

Adversity… I hope you liked our dance in the storm video from last week.  Today we give you an update on our on going adversity.  Here is the post Jess sent me…

Super Z Update…
Well this is going to be short because this week is moving week at the Warren home! Lots of work!!
Zayne did incredible!!! Little hiccup with the IV but otherwise he was super geeked to play with a Paw Patrol helicopter!! We got the results today…not normally that fast.
The solid tumor has slightly shrunk which is amazing news!!! Don’t know if it’s the chemo or the Frankinsence oil :/ Either way we will continue doing both. However, the cyst that we have been watching so closely has grown slightly. Not the best news but he is still living life to the fullest and with no symptoms of motor loss. He sure is a trooper!!! I was reminded to rejoice in the small victories and that’s what I plan on doing!!! We go back in next Monday for his 3rd dose of chemo and I will be able to view the scans myself. I’m excited about that seeing how I have his previous ones almost memorized!! I thank God for my beautiful family and all the amazing things we are learning through all of this. It’s definitely a journey but I finally feel like I’m starting to embrace it instead of fight it!! Time for acceptance!! As always thank you for your unwavering support!!!

 

Here is a link to an article featuring Zayne’s oncologist.

More than 10 years ago, I thought I was experiencing the toughest adversity I every would.  During this trial, I thankfully found the TurningLeaf Semianrs.  I gained a whole new perspective on life and dove into training to be a life coach so I could help others do the same. Little did I know, I would be so grateful for my experiences with TurningLeaf to help me cope with facing our experience with Zayne.

Eye of the Storm Coaching Series- Coping skills to help you find peace. On Sale now for $90.

Jamie_stress-sketch-aEye of the Storm-mini for website 3

Jamie Lightner

517 242 0224

jamielightner@yahoo.com

 

 

When life is Stormy… Dance!

Life was caving in. The house was a disaster, and I was spending so much time running the kids to their various activities, I was certain one might forget to call me Mom, and a “hey cabby” would just come flying out of there face without them even knowing why. And dinner, that was seeming more like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I had just invested money into marketing tools and started renting my own office, hoping I would be able to maintain a client base enough to keep it. Things were good at the moment, but in my line of work, well, it’s a month to month guessing game. I could be slammed one month, and scarce the next. So I am sure you can imagine the bag nerves that I was carrying around. And lets top it all off with the big news, oh yeah, Zayne’s tumor was growing again.  So stressed, emotional and frazzled doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt.
And to this I hafta say… Just Dance. When life opens up and pours the rain, I say, stretch out your arms, look up and feel the rain on your skin..let go and Dance.

Feel the rain

There are many moments when I find myself at what seems to be the end of my rope. Moments that I was low, and crawling into bed and sleeping for a few months seemed the only way to escape the adversity at hand. But seriously, the best way to pull me out of my “despair” was to just embraced the rain and let go and dance. And so I turn my music up in my kitchen and spread my arms wide and begin to dance.
This video is was taken after Zaynes MRI, 3 months after his brain surgery. In February the surgeon miraculously removed over half of Zayne’s tumor, sending us on with news that it should be years before he saw us again, if ever. 3 Months later the tumor and the cyst were grown back to the size they were just before surgery. Only now the tumor had grown back in a web like pattern and there was no way surgery would be an option again. I had been hearing Fight Song for a couple months by then, and invited my sis over to dance in my kitchen. As you can imagine, we didn’t feel like dancing, but there is a freedom in letting go.

 

 

As we keep with the them of the month, Adversity, I of course leave you with a challenge, of course. Dance! Dance in your kitchen, dance in the rain, heck, dance in the middle of the grocery store, sometimes they really play some good music. And if you really have the nerve, take a video and post it to my page.

 

And if you would like help with leaning to let go and dance in the midst of your storm, the “Eye of the Storm” Series is still on sale, thru end of March!

Jamie Lightner

517-242-0224

jamielightner@yahoo.com

jamie adversity ad

Super Z Update

Super Z Update
Wow!! A lot has happened in the Warren house hold in a month. We sold our house hope to move in with my mom by the end of March, LOTS of memories in our home. It was Jake and I’s first house as a married couple, first baby, the stairs I was sitting on listening to the doctor diagnose Zayne with a brain tumor, Ayden’s first year of school, a year of chemo, Zayne’s first year of school, awesome pool days, and countless talks on the back deck with the hubster, family and friends. On top of the moving, Zayne had his first dose of chemo. He takes an oral pill for a total of 5 days in the beginning of each month. He did AMAZING!!!! A couple bouts of nausea but Zofran worked like a charm!! He is currently on his second dose this week  Crazy how fast time has gone.

We have already done so much this year!!  We were able to get Zayne up to another one of Jake the wrestler’s meets at MSU!!

And we recently got back from Disney!!

And also CONGRATS BLUE!!!!!!  Springport did AMAZING at States!!!  Nick, Sean, Taylor, Zeth, and Noah!!!!  So awesome!!!

I will add photos later but it wasn’t working tonight :/

As always thankyou for all the support!!! Also I have a couple people who paid for shirts and still haven’t picked them up and I’m having a difficult time contacting you :/ If you could contact me on FB that would be awesome and we could arrange a time to meet at the school!!

Adversity ever after… what?

The following blog is a re-run.  I am using it to introduce the topic of the month.  Adversity!!!  Something I am sure we can all relate to. Just like January and February, I am putting a coaching series on sale this month to go along with our topic.  This months series is “EYE OF THE STORM”  Look below for more info!!!  *****ON SALE NOW!!!!!!******

 

Adversity ever after… What?   That’s not how it goes.

 

I am a fairly organized person. When you see me running around like a chicken with my head cut off you may not think so, but by nature, my brain LIKES to be organized, and wishes I was all the time. My socks are in rows, my cups and plates have designated shelves, and my forks and spoons certainly don’t touch in their drawer.

 

I like to cross things off my “to do” list, literally! I feel so productive as each item gets a line marked right through it. If an item is bigger and gonna take more time, I make a sub-list under it, so rather than get discouraged I can see how I am still making progress, by completing each smaller step to the task. I see things with a start and a finish, and as long as I see a finish I will work hard to get there.

Well, this tumor experience with Zayne is not start to finish, and my experience with him has raised my awareness to other struggles that are also not start to finish.

My brain says, if you track mud in on the floor you mop it up and it’s gone. If you get a sinus infection you get on an antibiotic and in 10 days you are good as new. When you get the flu, you endure an up close and personal relationship with the toilet, vowing to clean it better in the future, and usually in 2 days, even though you may have thought you were on your death bed, eventually you are back to yourself again.

But what about those experiences in life that aren’t start to finish. They seem to be more “too infinity and beyond.” After the year of treatment Zayne had, only to have the tumor start growing again, and then to have surgery remove over half of it, only to have it grow back and even more inoperable than the first time, I begin to wonder, how long will that finish line keep moving further and further out.

My own pain through this situation has caused me to tune into the experiences of others. Children with special needs, chronic pain victims, and life altering accidents. As I look at these people I know personally and combine it with my own experience as Zayne’s aunt, the “organized, productive, cross an item off my list personality” really struggles! How do you deal with forever. I mean sure, we all love to relate to “happily ever after” but “adversity ever after” who picks that story to read at night? It has been through this experience with Zayne that I realized my mind has a hard time grasping the thought of “on-going adversity”. Even death, as definitive as it seems, I just struggle to grasp it. I lost a dear friend of mine to a car accident a couple years ago. We were high school besties and even roommates in college, and I still, after a year I have hard time really believing that I can’t just Facebook her a message, or give her a call.

And in all honesty, my parents separated 16 years ago, my dad is even remarried, and I STILL struggle at times with the fact that my family isn’t assembled the way I thought it would be. I mean seriously Jamie, “GET OVER IT!”, is what I often say to myself.

And Zayne, I just can’t believe that this tumor could be something he has to deal with for the rest of his life. I’m not trying be “oh ye of little faith” I’m just expressing my issue with accepting “long term adversities.” You all know what I am talking about. We each have our own in different areas of our lives.

But I have been learning to cope more and more every day with the long term adversities in my life, and I hope I can share with you some pieces that are helping me and I hope may help you as well.

Even though it is a LONG TERM adversity per say, I have to divide it up in my brain, kind of like my to do list with those projects that seem unaccomplishable(that is not a word by the way, but I am using it) I have to take some adversities on “sublist” at a time. Or rather, “moments at a time.”

So let me show you moments that help me…
Feel the Moment of Adversity Exactly As It
This is probably the one I struggle with the most. I hate crying. I hate feeling pain. But I am learning that I have to allow myself to truly experience the moment in order to move out of the moment. In order to leave the tears behind, I must shed them.
Accept the “Short Term” Moment
I specify “short term” because with these “long term” adversities our emotions are short term. There are moments of tears, and moments of joy. There are moments of defeat and moments of determination. They are moments of fear and moments of faith. We need to accept the moment exactly as it is and know it is a short term. It will serve it’s purpose and we will continue moving forward.

Breathe Through Tough Moments
If it is a painful, high stress, or scary moment, remember to Breathe. I know it seems elementary, seriously it’s not like you have to be told to breathe, but it is important to breathe through these moments, noticing yourself taking in the air and releasing it. Experience the pain and release it with each exhale.
Breathe IN the Moments of Peace
If it is a peaceful, joyous, or grateful moment, again, intentionally breathe, only this time breathe to allow yourself to fully experience the peace, joy or laughter. Often times with long term adversity we squander these enjoyable moments on fearing the next moment of pain. Just as it is important allow yourself to feel the moment of adversity rather than fight it, it is just as important to feel the moments of reprieve, no matter how slight or impactful they are. Breathe in soaking up each ray of peace available. This not only gives you the opportunity to enjoy the moment but it replenishes you and gives you stamina to keep going.
Let Each Moment Go
Experience the moment at hand but when it has past, let it go. So often in our trials, we long and wish for moments of the past or wish for better moments of the future. And then in those peaceful moments we try and hang onto it in fear. Clutching to it like a child trying to take home a handful of sand from beach, only to see that the grains of sand were squeezed out through her tight grip. Experience each moment as a breath. Breathe it in, take life from it, and breath it out.
Accept the “Long Term”
As we have broken our adversity down into a “sub-list” we can handle, we must also accept the adversity as a whole. Accept it, and learn from it, moment by moment.

Would you like some tools for your own personal adversity?

This is just a piece of what has helped me. However, TurningLeaf has a workshop on the 8 coping skills that are extremely useful. I have a private coaching series available on these 8 coping skills. It includes for private sessions. And a workbook for application. This series will give you tools and ways to actually apply them to your life helping you cope with your own personal adversities.
For the month of March, while we focus on this concept of adversity, I am offering the 8 Coping skills series for the SALE PRICE of  $90 (Regularly $120). Using these skills one can find and live in the eye of the storm.  🙂

 

 On Sale for $90

Eye of the Storm-mini for website 3
For more information Contact me:
Email: jamielightner@yahoo.com
Phone:517-242-0224

Amazing relationships start where…?

So the crazy thing about relationships is every healthy relationship, must first begin with a healthy you. You know that bible verse, LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF. Many of us quote this verse to ourselves to encourage us to be kind to others. Well, that verse does bring me to ask the question, “If I am not very kind to myself, how kind will I be to my neighbor.” In reality, there are times for my neighbors sake I am glad not loving them as I love myself, no one deserves that treatment. lol
But what if this verse is hoping you will, be kind to both yourself and your neighbor. And to this I would like to add my own paraphrasing. “ Value yourself, so you have the ability to value your neighbor.” The way we view ourselves affects the way we view others.
In a relationship the way you view yourself, affects the way you view your spouse.
When I don’t value myself, I look outside of myself, perhaps to my spouse for value, 2 things happen. When they express to me how much I mean to them, I don’t believe it because I have been telling myself otherwise. And if I do believe it for a minute, I’m sure I will talk myself out of it later. Think about it though, how would you like it if you told someone how much you loved them, and they discredited it. I know I wouldn’t like it.
The other thing that happens when we don’t value ourselves is misunderstandings, leading unnecessary offenses and hurt feelings. If I don’t value myself, it is as if I see the world through tinted glasses, and not rose tinted, more like grey cloudy and dismal tinted. And I hear things through that grey perspective, therefore most of what I hear sounds as if it is against me, even when the other never intended to be. This leaves me in a combative state, a natural fight or flight response when I feel someone is against me.
Both of these scenarios are destructive to our relationships. Yes, I do believe that in a relationship, one does make sacrifices of one’s pride and sometimes personal wishes for a time. But it is important to recognize that a relationship requires not only a healthy level of respect for the other, you must also respect and value yourself.
It is important to both accept our humanity and recognize our worth. If we don’t choose to be kind to ourselves it is only a matter of time until we aren’t kind to others, especially our companion. You can’t give what you don’t have.

So today I challenge you to be kind to yourself. Take a moment and write down what you bring to the relationship, and then thank your mate for what they bring to the relationship as well.