So I am seeing all the back to school freak out posts. I just had my own freak out moment yesterday. Lol. I am a planner too! So what is a planner to do a world they can’t control, sometimes it seems my options are either A. clean out every closet in my house so I feel a little better or B. throw my hands in the air and binge watch Netflix. hmmm which to choose? So as a fellow mom, I am giving you all a virtual hug, I hope you feel it. Hang in there momma! You will make it through this. Bumps, bruises, band-aids and all, we will make it through.
If I can put my life coach hat on for just a moment and offer a few ideas… As you “plan” for the fall… first, take a breath and let go of your brain for just a second and plan how you want your home to FEEL. How do you want to feel in your home? How do you want your child to feel in your home? You can’t control the school or the pandemic, but you can decide now how you want to feel and respond while the storm may rage around. Now I don’t mean “stuff” your real feelings in a box in the corner of your mind while you paint on your “I am ok” smile.(I’ll talk more about that later) I mean decide on your breathing pattern for this next contraction, just like you did when you were expecting to deliver those angles of yours.
For example, I personally want my kids to feel 4 things during this crazy time.
- I want them to feel at peace in the midst of this storm.
- I want them to feel my love all around them (even if I am hollering it across the parking lot when I drop them off for school… or maybe hollering to them on while they are in the other room on the computer and I am on Facebook Live because I can’t do it in the parking lot, whatever it takes.)
- I want them to feel like they can express their feelings and thoughts that go through their mind.
- I want them to look for the opportunity to discover the amazing beings they are, aside from what the world and fear may tell them.
That’s just me and my mom gut… now ask yours… aside from math and reading (which is seriously upside down right now) what do you want to feel and what do you want them to feel?
Here are a few steps to help you hear your “guts”, sorry, I wish I could make it sound more eloquent, lol, but the mom gut is REAL, and it’s a gift! Oh, and it’s just yours… we all have our own for our own kids… it’s the closest thing to a manual you got!
Ok, enough rambling… lets break it down.
1st: Set aside shoulds.
- “Shoulds” are rooted in judgement. When we operate from judgment we can’t hear our God given MOM GUT guide us. Let go of what you should do, who you should be and how you should feel. Let go of how life should look, what school should be. This is the hardest step, but the most important. In reality you are letting go of fear and leaning into what you value and how to be you in the midst of a situation shouting all kinds of orders at you of who to be and what to do.
2nd: Emanate not what you fear but what you desire.
- What do you want your kids to feel from you the most? Peace? Love? Confidence? Joy? Set this as a focus for yourself first so it can then ripple out to your family. Decide how you want to feel and what you want to emanate, put your focus there.
3rd: Give your kids a gift of coping.
- What anchor would you like to give your child through this time. An anchor you hope they will be able to use in other trying times throughout their lives. (this won’t be the last) You must use that anchor within yourself first. You can’t give what u don’t have. (trust me, I REALLY wish “do as a say not as I do” actually worked, but it doesn’t, they learn by watching you. Set this anchor as a focus for yourself, practice using it, it will ripple to your family. (emphasis on the word “practice”, it takes time, and it is the act of practicing they will see)
Practice these 3 steps constantly as the forefront of your planning. It is in the moments when you have let all expectations, measurements, and shoulds go that you will “feel” your mom gut tell you the next step to take (not the next 100 steps. Lol) but the next step. I put the quotes around feel because you are not asking your brain to calculate and measure right and wrong, best and worst, shoulds and should nots. Remember, we let that go in step one. 😉. I want you to connect to your God given MOM GUT.
And as I mentioned earlier. Let’s talk about those feelings we have that we don’t want to focus on. Again, I am not suggesting you stuff them in that dusty box in the corner of your mind, you will explode… and most likely you will explode in a place you REALLY don’t want to. (unfortunately I know this from experience, not because I read it somewhere. lol) However, when you have these feelings, it’s ok! Seriously, yesterday I was pissed off. So if you experience pissed off, fear, worry, frustration, sadness, then let them be just that… an experience… not an identity take over. Give yourself permission to feel the feelings. It is my awareness of my fear and the acceptance of experiencing the feelings that allow me to walk through them. Not stuffing them or fixing them with a snap, but walking through them knowing I will see more clearly who I am on the other side if I am open to do so. (This could be an entire blog on it’s own, lol, I’ll get to work on that.)
At the end of the day remember, you love your kids so much it makes your heart want to explode, that is why we respond in worry the way we do, but when you can’t plan.. don’t fill the space with worry, just love the socks off your kids… that is what they will remember.
Please know I don’t say this lightly, I can worry and fret and if we are talking about yesterday, get pissed off with the best of them (long story) but that is not where I want to stay. So yes those feelings will happen. Don’t stuff them, just see them, experience them, acknowledge why you feel them all the while knowing where your focus is. That focus will lead you THROUGH the feelings (not escape them, walk through them).
If you need help navigating any of these steps, feel free to message me, we can set something up. Believe in you momma… you were made for this!
Remember we are all doing our best!! We are all gonna have frustrations, fears, sadness etc. Everything is an opportunity to discover who YOU are. Discover the simplicity of how amazing you are. 🙂