“Mom.” I heard Kate’s voice and immediately I knew why she was calling. “Are you coming to get me?”
In my rush to get Bo to his scrimmage in Eaton Rapids, I forgot to pick her up when I dropped off Josh and Timmy to their practices at the school tonight. And I thought I was on top of things because I actually had dinner done before 5pm tonight. I sunk in my chair at Bo’s scrimmage and wondered to myself how I was going to pull off the next 2 weeks. My college classes were starting(yeah, a story for another blog), my coaching was going well, brain surgery is scheduled for next week, and oh yeah, I have FOUR kids who apparently have places to go and people to see.
Last brain surgery I felt so strong for Jess. If I even heard her voice over my phone, “hey Jame…”, I was already in my car on my way. These days I find myself staring at all the plates I have spinning in the air and I can’t help wonder which will come crashing down first, apparently it was the “pick your daughter up from practice plate.” But which one would be next.
And then I go and do the unthinkable… read my sisters blog post. Why would I do that to myself.
So I take tonight to fall apart, I take tonight to wonder, “Will I be able to be enough for her this time around?” “Will my kids know that despite how many times they are left at the school, they are a priority?” “Will my kids understand that my lack of patience with them this week is due to the pressure on my shoulders right now, but that I love them more than the very air I breathe?”
I take this moment to feel weak, and tired and quite honestly a bit like a whiner. I take this moment, in this lull before battle to cry and ask why. I take this moment to challenge my faith, really put it to the test so that when tomorrow comes it’s stronger. Tonight I cry, but when tomorrow comes I will lift my eyes to the sun, spread my wings and allow my creator to fill me with his strength and peace, for in a few days we will go to battle with the angles by our sides and I will stand by her. No matter what… because that is what we do.
Throughout our lives my sister and I have taken turns standing and strengthening the other. And although I feel weak tonight, I accept that, because I know it will be just for a moment.