He didn’t bring me out here to drown…

So it seems these past 24 hours I have been working to grasp my mustard seed of faith, only to wonder if it’s even that big. It seems in a moment the clamor of fear in my brain literally incapacitates me dropping me to my knees. Then I hear a voice “Peter, step out of the boat. Step out of the boat and walk on the water with me Peter.”  In the darkness of my mind I search for this Peter that this steady and assuring voice has called to.

 

I recognized that voice, I knew it was God calling for him.   And then I realized…. He was calling for me.   I was who he was calling to. My faith was diminishing by the second so I called out.  “Send me my angel…. I want to see him.” I demanded in desperation.   The with fear was seeping into every crevice it could find.  Moments later my angel was sitting next to me. Only, his image wasn’t strong… He almost seemed faded. Through angry tears I said. “Why aren’t you really here? I can barely see you!” And he responded so calmly. “It’s you, not me. It’s your perspective, because I AM right here.”  He went on to say, “It is ok, your human perspective is clouding things a bit right now.  Let go of fear and expectation.  You will see me. You know you will.”

 

For a moment I believed him. The moment lasted just long enough to throw me what didn’t feel like rope, but like a string.  I now can literally relate to hanging on by a thread.  I grip the thread tight.  Deep inside I do believe I can walk on water and even in my doubt when I begin to sink… I hold on to the thread of faith I have that says, He won’t let me drown.

~Jamie Lightner