I finally see it…Can you?

Being that for the month of May, the blog has been centered around women and giving yourself a break.  I asked a very dear friend of mine to write a blog to post.  She is Life Coach with TurningLeaf Wellness Center and I love when we get the chance to work together.  She is so brave, and I learn so much from her.  Although life through her the curve ball of single momhood, not only does she pour her heart and soul into her children, she is showing them how to be confident in who you are and chase your dreams, by doing that herself. 

 

I can see it…Can you.

by Leah Krispin

May is a month that brings up a lot of triggers of emotion and reflection of my three children.  There’s the obvious Mother’s Day, that brings a mixture of emotions.  Then the end of the school year rolls around, and I am hit with the realization that another year of my boys growing up has passed by in what feels like a blink of an eye.  Then, finally, my youngest has his birthday, and I grow further and further away from when “my baby” was actually my baby.

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I am in this stage of life that had seemed so far away to me, not that long ago.  My boys basically are all now teenagers, 16, 13, and 12.  The oldest and youngest have grown taller than me, and I now have to look up in order to look into their faces.  Although my middle son has had to wait a little longer than his brothers, I finally now look straight into his eyes, rather than look down at that little boy he was once was.  How did they get so big?

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I can see them, as if it was yesterday, toddling around with their little legs, playing rough and tough on their bikes, and making those boy car noises as they played for hours with their Matchbox cars.  Now I hold my breath as my oldest drives, I hear about the newest death defying scooter trick that was landed at the skate park, listen to the thoughts about girls at school, and hear about how the newest electronic devices are in fact a “need” rather than a “want”.

When they were 6, 4, and 2 life shifted, and it became just the four of us.  I was paralyzed with insecurity and enormous amount of doubt of how I was going to be able to give these boys what they needed temporally and emotionally.  Each day I woke up filled with all the reasons why I wasn’t enough, and saw the evidence that told me I was going to fail them miserably.  However, they were my reason to keep going.  At first I couldn’t see the “how” I was going to climb this mountain in front of me, but I had the why, and that was enough to put one foot in front of the other.

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This climb I have been on has not been an easy one.  I can’t say that there haven’t been times when I have tripped, or fallen, or just plain wanted to sit down and wave the white flag and cry out for mercy and declare “I have had enough!  I give! I give!” But I can say that eventually each time I got myself back up and brushed myself off and started back up the path ahead.

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All these years later I look at my sons who are now more young men, rather than the boys I once held on my lap, and I am filled with gratitude for who I see them becoming.  It was the climb I resisted so much that has given us everything that we ever needed.  I found myself for the first time, I became a better mother, and the four of us are stronger because of it.

 

So many times when “mountains”, or struggles, are placed in front of us on this path we call life we kick and scream, and resist.  “Why me?”, we ask, why is this happening to me?  We each have a mountain to tackle.  They are all different.  Some are large.  Some are at times smaller.  Some everyone can see.  Others we tackle without others ever knowing.  Mine, for the moment, is being a single mom.  I have learned more than I can share in a short blog, but one that stands out the most is that through struggle we learn who we are.  We learn, if we are open to it, that we are strong.  We are capable.  We are enough.  I finally see it.  Can you see it in you?

leah i am