Unnecessary Stress Disguised as…. “They need me”
Another way we get trapped under unnecessary stress, is by falling prey to…They need me.
Yes, they do need you and you need them we all need each other and we all help each other out. The fine line deciphering between healthy relationships and codependent relationships can be tough to see sometimes. Where things get sticky is when we begin to derive our value FROM being needed by others.
To further explain this concept let me explain a core TurningLeaf Principle, and that is the Greatest Human Need is to feel Valued. As humans, what motivates many of our behaviors is our need to feel valued. We want to feel valued by our spouses, children, family and friends. But what we don’t understand is first we must realize that we ARE of value, simply by breathing in and breathing out. I like to ask people the question, what do your children have to do to be of value to you. Notice I am not asking, what your kids have to do to keep you from wanting to ground them to their room for the rest of their life. Because we all know that the latter is a loaded question. 😉 But seriously, what does your child have to do to be of value to you…. We all know the answer…absolutely nothing. And yet, we demand so much of ourselves just to be of value to someone else. We begin to depend on our successes to feel good about ourselves. We depend on our parenting, humor, or helpfulness to feel good about ourselves. But if you’ll notice, those are all external sources of our value.
It is a complex concept and sometimes this “need to be needed” piece in our life can be very well disguised. But if you are running yourself to the end of your rope, and still can’t say “no, that’s not going to work for me, please find someone else to bake 1,000 cup cakes tomorrow”, or “I can’t do that for you today, maybe next week”…well, that tells you there is some “unnecessary” stress going on.
As you learn to derive your value internally, you will be able to take on commitments that fit within a healthy lifestyle for you. Because last I checked, sleeping was still a requirement for all human beings.
I am not at all implying that the answer is to never be there for anyone else again. The key is be a healthy you, so you can then help others. And parents, YOUR KIDS NEED A HEALTHY YOU!!!
If you think you might have a case of “they-need-me-itis” ask yourself these questions…
If I don’t take on this task …do I feel like I am letting someone down?
If I don’t take on this task …do I feel like people won’t like me?
If I don’t take on this task…do I feel less of me, in anyway?
If you answered yes to any of the questions above, and you would like some help letting go of that “unnecessary stress” contact me for an appointment. I can help you implement balance in your life and feel good about it!! There is a way to take care of YOU, so you in fact CAN HELP OTHERS.