If I have to be right…you have to be wrong…right?

Relationships! Whether you are married or dating all relationships have their bumps in the road. And to this I say, fasten your seat belt and enjoy the ride. I mean sure my husband’s road would be a lot more smooth, logical and thought out if I weren’t in his life. But I always let him know how BORING that would be. Lol This month I am going to a few posts on relationships and am offering a special price on the “Confident Couples” package for the month of January. More details below…

Love, PERCEPTION.
We all have our own perception. Some people view things similarly and this makes it easy to form an “I’m right” pack. Seriously, doesn’t it feel great when people agree with you. Lol Just look at the “battle of the sexes”. Women link arms, feeling unified, and then they let the men have it. Men stand proud together creating a shield, of what I can only assume is testosterone, which deflects any comments thrown by “team estrogen.” However, no matter how much one group feels “right” or “justified” it gets us nowhere. In relationships we have gotta STOP for a moment and realize it’s not about being RIGHT. And it’s not about proving the other WRONG. This only leads to destruction, spinning wheels and more hurt than what it’s worth. Here are a few ideas to help.

 

# 1- Don’t ASSUME we know what the other is thinking.
I really find it funny that many times a woman will assume what the man is thinking, when in actuality the man usually just “isn’t” thinking. While the man RARELY takes the time to assume what the woman is thinking, and oh yeah, she is ALWAYS thinking. But seriously, think about it. How often do we think we “know” the motivation of the others action, or in action. How many times are we sure we know what they were thinking and what they REALLY meant. You can assume you know your partners motives for each of their choices, but more often I would bet you don’t! Before you just assume, have a conversation and find out the truth.
#2- Give the benefit of the doubt.
Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Believe they mean well. If you believe they mean well, and then you find out later that they really did knock your tooth brush off the counter and into the toilet on purpose, well, you are no worse off. The result is the same…your toothbrush is in the toilet and you got some things to talk over with your mate. However, if you just “assume” the worst of them, if you are just sure, they did it on purpose and you go into a conversation guns a blazin,’ spoutin’ off what a cold heartless meanie they are, and THEN you find out it was an accident, well, now you have created a brand new set of offenses for nothin’. So if you ask me, it’s worth it to first believe they mean well. This way when you have a conversation to figure things our, you go into it with a heart seeking the truth and a remedy, rather than conviction and revenge. In the midst of a heated argument, I was the heated one of course; my husband said to me, “Geesh Jamie, do you think I am a jerk on purpose.” It made me think about the sock and underwear he left on the floor. Ok, maybe he didn’t leave them there because he thinks have nothing better to do besides pick up after him. Lol
#3- Accept the other perspective.
There is always another side to the story. Work hard to understand where the other is coming from. Odds are there is a reason they feel the way they do. Odds are they are NOT a “jerk” on purpose. Look and do your best to put yourself in their shoes. The parent home with the kids who doesn’t understand the pressure the parent carries to go to work and provide for the family. The parent at work all day who doesn’t understand what it’s like to change 487 diapers a day(I may be mis-remembering how many it was). Or how about the individual who is in touch with their emotions and doesn’t understand why the other can’t seem to connect compared the individual who isn’t as emotional and doesn’t understand why the other can’t understand how much they love them.
We all look at things from our own personal angle and it looks different to us than the other. But it doesn’t mean one is wrong.

perception

It’s true, opposites to attract. So rather than judge each other for where you are different, work to understand or at least respect and accept their perspective, and allow it to teach you something as well. Those opposite pieces in a relationship can be very healthy if we learn from them and allow them to bring a balance between the two.

 

Each Tuesday of this month I will post a blog from a Life coaching stand point, on relationships. And this month I am offering the “4 Steps to Confident Couples” coaching series at the discount price of $75 (Regularly $120). This includes…

4 Private Sessions
4 Steps to Confidence Book
Confident Couples Workbook

Any questions Contact:
Jamie LIghtner
517-242-0224
jamielightner@yahoo.com