Ok, so I can’t remember all our countless disagreements, so I am going to use a subject light and simple to portray my point…
I returned home after dropping the kid to school. I tidied the kitchen from the morning tornado that ran thru it at about 7:07, leaving behind an array of cereal boxes on the counter along with mayonnaise and peanut butter, for what I am only assuming was a lunch project, but really, who knows. Ok, now up the stairs to clean the bedroom.
As I make our bed I notice my husband’s socks, once again, on the floor. “Oh, that silly man.” I think to myself. “Gotta love him. I’ll just toss these in the laundry on my way to the closet.” Hahahahahahhaha I wish that’s what I was thinking. NOPE! This is more accurate.
Are you kidding me?! After everything I do around here. Pick up the house, feed the kids(most of the time), go to the store, pick kids up and drop them off several locations SEVERAL times a day! Do the laundry, fold the clothes and put them away. Chase the toddler, feed the toddler, change the toddler stinky diapers and clean up the toddler toys for the Hundredth time today.(depending on the time frame in which I am remembering this “familiar” fight.) Clean the bathrooms, sweep the floor, mop the floor(ok well that never happens in my home, but it might yours so we will leave it on the list) and vacuum! Oh and how about that home cooked meal he comes home to EVERY night…ok MOST nights….ok a COUPLE times a week. Still I think you know what I mean.
Of course this thought process is followed up that evening with a healthy form of communication such as….
“Hey Babe, could you please toss your dirty socks into the laundry basket before you hop into bed for the night.”
Hahahahahhaha. Oh no, that would be too easy. This is more like it.
Stage ONE: I begin with the silent treatment. And when he leads with, “Hey Babe house looks great.” Or “Yum, thanks for dinner.” This is followed by Stage 2: snide comments such as , “Yeah well, someone’s gotta clean it.” And “Someone’s gotta cook around here.”
To this Mike replies, Is something bothering you?
Ensuing Stage 3: My explosion… “I AM SO TIRED OF YOU LEAVING YOUR SOCKS OUT. IT’S LIKE YOU JUST DON’T EVEN CARE ABOUT EVERYTHING I DO AROUND HERE. I AM JUST YOUR MOLLY MAID HERE TO SERVE YOU. YOU JUST LEAVE YOUR SOCKS BY THE BED THINKING I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO. I AM QUITE SURE YOU ARE DOING IT ON PURPOSE AND I DON’T APPRECIATE IT AT ALL!!! YOU DON’T EVEN TAKE THE TIME TO CONSIDER THAT I MIGHT BE TIRED OF PICKING UP YOUR DIRTY SOCKS. MAYBE THERE IS SOMETHING ELSE I WOULD LIKE TO DO WITH MY LIFE!!!! BUT KNOW, YOU JUST GOTTA GO A CRUSH MY DREAMS!!!”
Mike: (eyes wide open at my explosion)
We usually get into a discussion by this point and eventually work things out. But he said something to me one day that really made me think about my natural reactive behavior and that was,
“Jamie, do you think I am a jerk on purpose.”
Ya see, I usually personalized his action or inaction, assumed I knew why he was doing it, bottled up my offense, and then like a shaken pop, I eventually exploded. But when he asked me that question I realized I wasn’t giving him room to just “make a mistake”. Rather than talk about things calmly and inquire about his motive, I just come bustin’ through the gate at 90 mph and mad.
But truth of the matter is. He is human as am I. I know I do things that drive him crazy just as he can drive me crazy. But neither of us means to “drive the other crazy.”
This post leads us into the Month of February, in which the Topic will primarily be RELATIONSHIPS.
Each Tuesday of this month I will post a blog from a Life coaching stand point, on relationships. And this month I am offering the “4 Steps to Confident Couples” coaching series at the discount price of $75 (Regularly $120).
4 Private Sessions
4 Steps to Confidence Book
Confident Couples Workbook
Any questions Contact: