So the crazy thing about relationships is every healthy relationship, must first begin with a healthy you. You know that bible verse, LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF. Many of us quote this verse to ourselves to encourage us to be kind to others. Well, that verse does bring me to ask the question, “If I am not very kind to myself, how kind will I be to my neighbor.” In reality, there are times for my neighbors sake I am glad not loving them as I love myself, no one deserves that treatment. lol
But what if this verse is hoping you will, be kind to both yourself and your neighbor. And to this I would like to add my own paraphrasing. “ Value yourself, so you have the ability to value your neighbor.” The way we view ourselves affects the way we view others.
In a relationship the way you view yourself, affects the way you view your spouse.
When I don’t value myself, I look outside of myself, perhaps to my spouse for value, 2 things happen. When they express to me how much I mean to them, I don’t believe it because I have been telling myself otherwise. And if I do believe it for a minute, I’m sure I will talk myself out of it later. Think about it though, how would you like it if you told someone how much you loved them, and they discredited it. I know I wouldn’t like it.
The other thing that happens when we don’t value ourselves is misunderstandings, leading unnecessary offenses and hurt feelings. If I don’t value myself, it is as if I see the world through tinted glasses, and not rose tinted, more like grey cloudy and dismal tinted. And I hear things through that grey perspective, therefore most of what I hear sounds as if it is against me, even when the other never intended to be. This leaves me in a combative state, a natural fight or flight response when I feel someone is against me.
Both of these scenarios are destructive to our relationships. Yes, I do believe that in a relationship, one does make sacrifices of one’s pride and sometimes personal wishes for a time. But it is important to recognize that a relationship requires not only a healthy level of respect for the other, you must also respect and value yourself.
It is important to both accept our humanity and recognize our worth. If we don’t choose to be kind to ourselves it is only a matter of time until we aren’t kind to others, especially our companion. You can’t give what you don’t have.
So today I challenge you to be kind to yourself. Take a moment and write down what you bring to the relationship, and then thank your mate for what they bring to the relationship as well.