Today I must write an apology to someone who has put up with more from me than anyone deserves.
She works her hardest…yet I am constantly telling her she is not enough.
She loves her family more than anything in the world…yet I am always telling her how she is messing up, constantly giving her judgmental advice on how she could be a better wife and mother.
She works to believe in herself, but without even meaning to, I somehow manage to put a magnifying glass on all her shortcomings and compare her to everyone else who seems to be better than her at what they do.
Sometimes she takes a risk and wears her heart on her sleeve, of course I remind her of why that is a bad idea insisting it is better to keep her heart hidden.
Sometimes I do tell her I am proud of her, she has had some moments when I am amazed at what she has done. I wish I would tell her more about those moments.
I wish I would support her more when she makes mistakes. I would rather tell her to pick herself up. I would rather point out what she learned and how next time she be that much better. But it seems I am so quick to lecture her on what she should have done.
Don’t get me wrong. I have good intentions. I just want to protect her from those who hurt her. Make sure she stays guarded so no one can hurt her feeling. Make sure she doesn’t make any mistakes so NO ONE can judge her. Make sure she is the best mom to her kids, so they can become great people who live happy fulfilled lives.
But I have realized my methods aren’t effective, and although it may take me some time I am shifting to new methods. Methods of encouragement and acceptance.
So, I must apologize for the way I have been…
I am already getting better at treating her with the love and respect she deserves. And I will continue to do so.
So today I apologize to myself…I am sorry.